All right, so good to see you and good to be able to open the word again. So if you'll open your rivals to, uh, let's, let's go back to Ephesians chapter five and pick up where we left off. We were looking at this incredible passage in chapter five. We were first in verses 15 through 21. We just see.
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Clear cut path. How do you live for Christ? How do you do that? Well, you pay attention to your walk. You are conscious of your time. You make sure you use your time for the glory of God. You seek to walk in, uh, in, in the will of the Lord instead of being foolish. So anything's not walking with the Lord. It's foolish. Uh, and, and, and by the way, I think if that's the case,
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The Lord didn't going to be making his will so mysterious that you can't know it because he does not want you walking in foolishness. He wants you walking in as well. So he makes his well known to us. Uh, I think we overcomplicate it because there are things we want. And, uh, and the Lord moves us in some different directions. Most of the times to point out last night, most of the time, the will of God is so very, very clear because just writing the word, just follow after what he says. And then.
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We're to be filled with the spirit instead of being controlled by other things. And then we're to be engaged with the body of Christ, the way we speak and sing and give thanks and submit to one another. And then that moves into the marriage relationship. And we talked about submission that wives be, uh, why I'm submit to your husbands, not to men in general, but to your husbands as to the Lord. And.
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We, uh, we talked about how submission is not mouseyness. It's an attitude of the heart. It is modeled in Jesus submitting to the father. So Philippians two is that model that you keep in mind when you think about submission, so there there's nothing degrading in that it is not subjugation totally, totally different. This is a beautiful attitude of heart. That.
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Battles that tendency of pride. Think about part of the result of the fall and how the woman battles against the man. I mean, that that's part of the curse. What submission does it fights that natural tendency to battle against and instead to seek to build up and encourage. And then we, we stopped with, uh, talking about the guys. So let's pick up.
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verse 25, um, well verse 23, uh, because the husband is the head of the wife as crisis, the head of the body, he is the savior of the body. Now it's the church submits to Christ. So also wives are to submit to their husbands and everything. And then, then he gives his explanation in this declaration husbands love your wives. Well, how much, how do we, how do we love them? Husbands love your wives.
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just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. And of course, the Lord says, I offer the church, he did this to present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless in the same way, in the same way as Christ, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies.
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He who loves his wife loves himself or no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it just as Christ does for the church, uh, since we are members of his body. So what's involved in Hedge Up? Well, Hedge Up involves faithful loving leadership. And, uh, it, as, as we think about it, uh, it is servant leadership modeled.
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on that of Jesus in the gospel. So you got Philippians two, you, you, you've got the whole passion near two, you've got the whole life of Christ submitting to the father's lady. You you've got the whole picture of Jesus servant leadership for the son of man came not to be served, but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many. And then in John 13, what do you see Jesus that the
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introduction that that's given there that Jesus knowing that he was going back to the father, Jesus knowing everything that was getting ready to happen in his death. He knew that he understood that. And then he takes off his robe, girds himself with a towel and church washing the disciples feet. And they don't know what to do, but that's Jesus. That's the model. That's the model for headship.
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It is servant leadership and we're to contemplate that just as I would say, ladies contemplate Philippians too. I'd say guys contemplate John 13. Uh, Jonathan Lehman in his book authority has, I think the very best brothers, the very best section on what headship means. And I encourage you to, to read that. He said to cultivate oneness that.
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that the husband's job description is to cultivate oneness by leading and loving his wife in the shared work of earthly dominion, relying on her to help, uh, on her help, her competence and her wisdom. And so it's not some guy going rogue saying, Hey, this is my marriage. I'm controlling it, but rather it is the husband seeing.
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the beauty of his helper and her competence and her wisdom and leading from that angle. So what, what does headship look like? Well, it is headship, uh, in headship that the husband primarily focuses on his wife. She is his, uh, his priority. Uh, we'll look in a few minutes at first Peter three, seven husbands live with your wives in an understanding way.
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At Lehman writes it's knowing and understanding her, her frame, her gifts, her vulnerabilities, her hurts, her joys and her opportunities to grow and flourish. So you're paying attention. Uh, it is sacrificial love at every level, which means that in headship, the husband does not think of himself and his desires, but rather he's thinking of those of his wife. And you, you see.
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Jesus modeling that everything he did, he did to make the bride, holy cleansing her with the washing of the water or the word to present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blame us. He's doing that for the, for his, his bride. And in that kind of love, the husband is giving himself away for his wife's good. Uh, again, and I'm going to quote Jonathan Lehman several times here.
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Uh, he says every husband is his wife's head and he explains that headship as a covenant or language leads to oneness in marriage. So when you're, when you're thinking about being head, you're thinking about, okay, what's the aim is toward oneness. And that oneness is a display of the oneness that we have in Christ, which is the display of the oneness that you see in the Trinity. And then he says, and what's crucial to recognize is.
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This is inevitable. Once married, he doesn't need to make himself the head. He simply is. And the point he's making is this is the way God has established it. And so you have governmental frameworks and you have those who are head of it. You have pastoral frameworks and church frameworks. You have those who are head in terms of the way they're functioning.
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And he said, he can be a life giving head or a life stealing head, a present head or an absent head, but he is the head. It is rooted in creation design itself. And Lehman calls this level of the husband's authority, not an authority of command and demands, and that is so important. I think this is where a lot of guys think the watch got to do what I say. Well, not if you'd been a fool.
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stupid. Absolutely not. She's got a whole lot better sense than you do. He says it is an authority of counsel. I think that's the optimum term here in authority of counsel. And this type of authority differs from other areas of authority. It's headship involving wise counsel out of love that does not attempt to manipulate or to make demands.
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or misuse or act with an authoritative spirit, but he's treating his wife as an equal honoring her with respect, understanding the whole person so that the husband and wife are participating in decisions and direction with the husband initiating, leading, and modeling the servant leadership of Jesus Christ. That's a whole lot better picture than.
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than a lot of times painted, isn't it? Uh, in this position, he seeks to die to self and unselfishly help his wife as a fellow heir of the grace of life. As first first Peter three seven says, and so it's never about the husband trying to get his way, nor is it about stubbornness and thinking that his way is always right. That's where we differ from Christ because his way is always right. We need the wife's counsel.
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Uh, it's the way of love. It's seeking to best lead his wife so that her trust in joy in Jesus is going to be growing through the years. It's love that seeks the best for his wife, even as Christ does the church. Love controls his leadership in his decisions as he considers what's best for her spiritually, physically, emotionally, socially, financially, relationally. It's a love that finds.
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his greatest aim in the fulfillment of his wife. Now, a brother's not gonna be good at doing that if he's not walking with the Lord. Because we are so weak and so inadequate. We need the grace of Christ to be working in us and enabling us. If the husband is not loving his wife with a sacrificial giving attitude, then he will not be appropriately leading her as.
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the head of the home. And so he's totally failing at that. And this is where Jesus is always the model. And while as husbands, we're not there in every way, but by any means, we got to be heading in that direction to be like him, the way we love and seek what's best for our wives. And this is where, as I mentioned last night, be patient with yourself, be patient with your wife, wives, be patient with yourself, be patient with your husband.
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Help him along that way, along that way. He's learning. There's so many things to be stripped from his life so that he's heading in that direction. And this kind of love is gauged in check by loving his wife, even as he loves himself, that's what Paul says, even as he cares for himself. And so the union of the relationship implies that the husband and wife are growing together in such intimacy that to consider one is to consider the other.
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Can you think about him being separated? And so his use of time, his money, decisions, his career, his service is gonna give equal consideration to his wife as much as to himself. And this kind of love provides and cares for or nourishes and cherishes his wife. Now, Paul uses the same kind of language when he talks about parents.
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nourishing and caring for their children. We, we don't have any trouble understanding that. Uh, I, you know, it's fun watching you guys nourish and care for your children to provide and care for them. I mean, uh, we, we love doing that with our kids and with our grandkids. And so it's easy for us to see with children, but Paul says here, husband, that's your, your aim towards your wife. You say, does that mean I'm supposed to baby?
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I mean, in some ways, yeah. I mean, how are you treating that child? So treat your wife that way. I thought Lehman's summary of how headship works better is, uh, works better than anything else that I've read on it. So I'm just going to give you, uh, a number of Jonathan Lehman quotes. I did, I sent Jonathan, uh, uh, a text and said, this is the best thing I've read. I just want you to be encouraged on it. Don't get the big kid, but be encouraged.
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So he said in Hitchip, you take the initiative in ending arguments by choosing gracious, if need be apologetic words. You have nothing left to prove. You're done with self justification because you're justified in Christ. Do you see how he's rooting this in the cross because of who you are in Christ, because of what crisis done that changes the way that you respond to your wife. You get in those tense situations. It's.
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Why do I need all this self justification? I've got the greater justification. So let's end this. Uh, he said, you take the initiative and spiritual leadership in the home by having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, there's that whole. Nurturing spiritual element. You don't have to require perfection of her today. You're playing the long game. The question is not, can you get her to be a perfect wife today? The question is.
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Can you help her to look more like Jesus over the next 50 years by acting like Jesus yourself? That's the goal. That's where you want to go. Even when she's behaving towards you in some way that is frustrating and perhaps sinful, you take the initiative in exemplifying the patience and forgiveness of Christ, that is how Christ has loved you.
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She is your number one priority more than friends, work, parents, career aspirations, hobbies. Christ didn't lay his life down for anyone else, only the church in the, the same way that's the model with the husbands. And then he says, you can never ever use your authority in any way to hurt or abuse her for crisis, never abused you. And so I think that.
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Gives us a few questions. How do we care for our wife? How do we speak to her? What's our tone towards her? Do we spend time with her? Do we pay attention to her? Do we set our eyes on her and own no other? Well, marriage also, the fourth thing in your outline marriage involves leaving and cleaving, which means.
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to leave in cleave for the purpose of establishing an intimate union. So Paul quotes Genesis two, Jesus does the same thing, it's one of the most quoted passages in the New Testament. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, cleaved to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Now, we sometimes leave
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Uh, parents and other relationships physically, but we don't do that emotionally. And this is where we, we have to think, you know, do I bring up comparisons about other relationships? No, throw that out the window. Do, do I long for days of no responsibility? Get over it. You you've you belong to your wife. She belongs to you. You're leading her. Uh,
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Forget about the laziness of other eras in your life. Do we indulge your minds in pornography or steamy movies or course social media sites? If you do that, you're not leaving and cleaving. You're violating that. And, and consequently that affects the intimate union, the oneness that you have.
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You've got to battle against that. There's no place for it. And brothers, if you haven't struggled with that, come talk to one of the pastors and get and build some deep accountability in your life and press on. You, you can't, you can't stay in that. Uh, it, it would destroy you. Absolutely. And I would say sisters, it would destroy you because I know this is not just a guy.
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It's a, it's a gal thing. And there, there are a lot of women that have struggles in this same area. What are you listening to? What are you watching? Uh, what are the things you're seeing? Those are the kinds of things that hinder this oneness, this, uh, intimate union that you have. So in this declaration that, uh, that Paul is quoting from Genesis, there's no other relationship or focus.
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That is to rival our marriage. There is no other question about where our relational priority lies. And so we, we have to look and say, okay, is my, is my job encroaching on that. And I've had to look at that as a pastor because it's not that the jobs we're doing are evil. They're they're good. I mean, what, whatever you're doing, it's good, but has it become an idol in your life?
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And if that's the case, it's affecting your spiritual life and it affects your marriage and so you have to, you have to reel in, you have to see those kinds of things there are, there are a lot of pastors that wreck their marriages doing good stuff and there are a lot of, uh, Lawyers and doctors and, uh, electricians and construction workers. And I'm just keep going down the line that wreck their marriage because.
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They seem to be married to their work.
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Those things with your job will be there the next day. And so you have to realize, okay, they'll be there. I can't, I can't conquer all that in a day and learn how to draw lines. Leaving means there's a new set of priorities in your relationships. And so you're, you're setting your real affections upon your marriage. Cleaving joining together.
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Is it's a term it's conveys the idea of cementing, welding together. It's the language of intimacy. Uh, and it's highlighted by the two becoming one flesh. He's talking about sexual intimacy here. So he's, he's not, he's not putting that aside as a fringe benefit of marriage, but rather he is insistent that the husband and wife develop and cultivate romance in marriage.
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culminating with the joy of regular sexual intimacy. That is part of marriage. That is a gift from the Lord that is to be enjoyed only in the marriage relationship between a man and a woman. And, uh, and that is part of the strength of building your relationship. Um, I mean, you know, this is kind of thing that I think sometimes couples are struggling in their marriage. And maybe one of the reasons they're struggling is because.
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They're not enjoying sexual intimacy with each other. They're too busy. They're too frazzled with everything with their kids and, uh, their, their schedules are out of whack. And that's where you prioritize this sexual intimacy. It's a good thing. It's a gift from God. It's not something dirty. It's not something extra. It is central in the marriage relationship. I said that pretty plainly, didn't it? Okay. All right. Uh,
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In other words, the most basic foundational teaching in the Bible regarding marriage, uh, is that marital intimacy is highlighted. It's not just a critical component, but a necessary component to a healthy marriage. And so we don't give time to building sexual intimacy and, and building romance in the marriage. So it's not just the sex acts. It's that whole romance. So I was talking about some last night.
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We've left out a cornerstone of marital health and all other components in marriage add to building and deepening intimacy. And so you can't just be focused on that one thing. You you've got to live with your wife and understand your way. You've got to be submissive to your husband. You've got to lead your wife or servant leadership. All of that adds to the whole picture in marriage and building a life of intimacy together.
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And then the, the, the fifth thing in this passage is love and respect must frame the relationship, frame the healthy relationship and marriage. Uh, verse 32, this mystery is profound. That is the whole mystery of marriage is profound. The whole mystery of leaving and cleaving is profound, but I'm talking with, uh, about Christ and the church or with reference to Christ and the church. And so Paul's explaining to.
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Massive, massive truths, the relationship of Christ in the church, the relationship of a husband and wife, and there was a mystery in this. And then he says to sum up each one of you is to love his wife as himself. I let the wife see to it that she respect her husband. And so love is not specified for the wife because it goes without saying is she is selflessly love. She will respond.
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in love and they'd love the husband gives himself to his wife, uh, sacrificially to meet her needs, to fulfill her and do what's best for her in the wife's respect builds up her husband. And it's seen in the attitude, the tone of voice, uh, the way you look at him, uh, your countenance before him and your, uh, your concern for your husband's needs. All right. Can we shift gears? Go to first Peter.
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chapter two, first Peter chapter two. It is odd shifting gears like that, but we're going to do it. First Peter chapter two. And if you've got some questions about the Ephesians five, when we do the Q and A let's, let's talk about those things. All right. This is a passage that a portion of it I preached at Midtown last year, I think. So if somebody if you say, it sounds a little bit familiar, it's because it is.
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The application is we look at chapter three verses one through seven. You'll see is, is, uh, driving home to marriage. What Peter is describing in this whole work of living across evidence life. So what we want to look at is living across evidence marriage. All right. If you don't have a handout for this pastor, Joshua has them that will help you to follow along.
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I'm just going to read the text as we go to each section because we're, we're going to look at three sections versus 11 and 12, and then we're going to drop down versus 21 to 25 and then, uh, well, actually we're going to drop down to chapter three versus one through seven. Then we're going to come back to chapter two versus a 21 to 25. That sounds confusing. I don't think it will be as we go through it. So I did my first marriage.
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counseling session without intending to. And I was totally unprepared. I was a single college student.
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Just telling you I'm serving on staff in a church and this very respected lady in our church who had kids in my youth group, uh, came to me and I thought she was going to talk to me about some of her kids and yeah, she had a few things she could talk to me with her kids about. Uh, but instead she started telling me that she needed to help in her marriage. You can imagine me. I'm sitting there, you know, I'm 20 or 21 years old. I'm sitting there listening to this lady who has.
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a son that was, I think a year younger than me. And she's talked to me about her marriage and I'm just thinking, Oh my goodness, what am I doing here? And so I sat there and listened to her. I realized I didn't have anything in the well to draw from and to pour out, but I did have the word of God to give her encouragement, to press on and sanctification and in prayer and to pray with her.
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It seemed that what was happening, the Lord was teaching me something very foundational, not just for counseling later on, but for my own marriage that I had the word of God, because when you get married, you don't have a deep well about marital experience. You have observed and hopefully you have asked questions and hopefully you've read and so you've thought about things concerning marriage, but it's different. Once you get into that relationship. I mean, it.
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You know, it's just like anything in life. You go through teacher training and you learn a lot of stuff in college to say, this is good. Then you get in the classroom. Like, what am I doing? But you know, what's happening? It's the same thing in pastoring. You go through seminary, you got, you know, you made good grades, hopefully. And, you know, you, you did all your work and then Sunday keeps coming every week. It's unrelenting. And all these things you think.
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You know, what, what have I gotten into that? That's the same reality in marriage. You, you know, the, the, the wedding is over. The honeymoon is over and you're having so much fun with each other and you're enjoying all the intimacy of marriage and you're eating out and no responsibilities. Then you come back, you go back to work, back to real life. And here's this challenge in this grind. How do you deal with that? Well,
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You don't have a deep well at that point of experience, but you got the word of God, and this is where the word is enabling us to see that marriage is the most efficient arena of sanctification that you could ask for. So those of you who are single, I encourage you to get married because marriage is the most effective means of sanctification for your life.
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There's a good motive for marriage. I'm, I'm just saying, I'm just tossing that out. And so it's sufficient because. Do you are regularly facing your weaknesses and your spouse's weaknesses and you both need to apply the gospel. And so what are you doing in sanctification? You're applying the gospel. That gospel is working deeply in you. And so your weakness may be a point of pride that's spilling over and you're saying hurtful words or.
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the, or maybe it's irritation showing up in an attitude or maybe, uh, it is, uh, selfishness that doesn't notice your spouse and you're neglecting to serve your spouse and maybe it just cold heartedness and it's chilling your communication. Well, all those are areas that come right back to your spiritual life. I mean, honestly, I mean, I, I'll put a percentage on it.
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99.9% of the things that we struggle with in marriage are going to come back to our spiritual life.
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I mean, okay, I'll, I'll be generous 98%. I mean, there, there might be, you know, a few things like, um, Hey, yeah, I forgot to empty the dishwasher. Okay. I'm not going to call that your spiritual life. You just forgot you were busy, but most of it is going to come back to your spiritual life, which means that. Do you.
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See your weaknesses, you speak, or maybe you don't even see your weaknesses, but you see your spouse's weaknesses and those are going to come in different angles and you're, you've got to learn grace and forgiveness and love and kindness because your home is supposed to be a display of the servant heart of Jesus. And so together you're to be mirroring.
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Loving and, and, and serving Jesus, you're to be mirroring that relationship of Christ with his bride, the church, but it doesn't always happen. So here's what I've commonly seen happen over the years and then with marriages in various contexts. And including in conversations with, with some guys internationally, one is there's procrastination. Too many couples fail to address marital issues and what they do, they wait.
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till they're maybe at a point of just total impasse or total implosion. Then they try to get some help and they're expecting a counselor or a pastor, uh, an elder to give them a quick painless way to deal with it. It's not going to happen. A second is neglect. They, the husband and or the wife has neglected their spiritual life. The mat, their marriage is strained and, uh,
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And it's not that we can't have some strange sometimes when we're walking with Lord because we're going to have that we haven't arrived. We're still, we're still wrestling. We're still struggling, but this is when the adversary really attacks us at all seasons, so we have to pay attention, not just to our walks, but also to our spouse and how to best love and serve our spouse with grace. And if we get cold in our spiritual life, it's going to spill over into our marriage a third.
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A problem is self centeredness. Uh, this is where there, there's a stalemate in our marriage because of stubbornness and pride. I want my way and that's the only way is going to be. Brothers and sisters. You can't do that in marriage. You just, you just can't, you have to die to that. Um, it, if you're not seeking to grow together in Christ,
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and grow in the beauty and depth of marriage. Uh, if you're not learning that at the heart of marriage is humble, servant heartedness, then you're probably not going to be very quick to admit faults and discuss weaknesses and bend in humble service and consider the glory of Christ, but thank God. We don't have to be there. There's there's a better way. And that weighs this. And here, here's my, here's my thesis.
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We must take our marriages to Jesus. We must take our marriages to Jesus who died in Rose so that we might daily live in the Christ life. We must take our marriages to Jesus who died in Rose so that we might daily live in the Christ life. And so what we have to ask is where is this connection with the Christ life really living out what it is to be in union with Jesus? Where is that?
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with regard to the patterns and practices in marriage. So this is what I want us to think about. We'll look in chapter two, verses 11 and 12 at an exhortation to live the Christ life. And so it's showing a foundation for the Christ life. And then we'll look at the example in marriage in chapter three, verses one to seven that shows the cross centeredness of marriage that is working out of this union with Christ. And then.
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in chapter two, verses 21, 25, we'll put it all together and we'll see what is Christ provided because when you look at, um, wives be submissive to your own husbands in chapter one, verse three, husbands, Olivia, the wives in an understanding way is a fellow heir of the grace of life. In verse seven, when you see those, you think, how am I going to do that? Well, he explains in chapter two, verses 21 to 25, Jesus has provided what you need.
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So that's what I want us to see. So first is the exhortation to live the Christ life. Now I'm, I'm going to slide over a lot of the context here. I don't like doing that, but just know Peter has unpacked in chapter one, verses three to 12 that we've been born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Christ from the dead. And in that Jesus has.
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has changed our natures. He's renewed our affections and he's captivated us. And so the new normal for Christians is to live the Christ life, to live in Christ. And so we could say, well, the Christ life is sent him from being a real disciple of Jesus, being a follower of Jesus, being a Christian. And so in that Christ is all to us. Christ is being formed in us.
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Christ's character is being worked in us and out of us. Christ is, uh, is, uh, is shaping us so that we mirror him. He becomes our treasure in our joy and the whole of life. That's our sanctification and that's what sanctification is all about. That's why it's happening. It is certain insure in Christ, you know, talk about that in a moment. It is that sanctification is certain insure in Christ so that.
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It continues in our developing to look more like Christ. And yet with all this, we still need reminders. We still have patterns of sin. We, we still have those things etched in our brain. So when we came to faith in Christ, the computer did not get wiped. So there's a blank slate and you're having to reformat everything. No, their patterns are still there. And some of those viruses are still there.
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But he's given you his provision in his death and resurrection to deal with them. And, and, and so, uh, this means we can't take time off from our spiritual life. We, we can't get comfortable with, um, with playing spiritually. So how do we deal with that? Let me give you three things that he says in verses 11 and 12. First is remember your nationality. Remember your nationality. Verse 11.
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Dear friends, I urge you as strangers and exiles to abstain from sinful desires that wage war against this. So he, he is reminding these recipients of this epistle in the Roman empire that you got another citizenship. Like Paul put it, our citizenship is in heaven, which we eagerly wait for a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. So.
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You're in the world, but you don't belong to the world. You are now strangers and exiles. You are to remember your homeland. So you got to get that in mind because what's happening, the world is wrapping itself around us. The world is enticing us and we have to live like we're citizens of heaven. So think about what the world does. It, uh,
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It treats the idea of heaven as something boring, so we don't even want to talk about it.
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Can heaven really be boring? Can that which the infinite God and all of his perfections and majesty and glory, can he create something that will last forever? This boring, no way. But what does the world do? I don't want to talk about heaven. Yeah. That's kind of a kind of a strange subject. No, it's should be part of our conversation. I mean the whole word hope.
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That is in Christ is emphasis that we see in the old Testament, in the new Testament, the hope is pointing toward heaven. So we have to learn to think in that, uh, uh, you know, think about how, uh, the world, uh, treats what's going on in the spiritual life is, uh, as though it can't. Uh, it can't compare with all the stuff that we have, all the new developments. We even have AI now.
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whatever all that is. Uh, I mean, uh, I've got to get Matt super doc to explain all that to me because it is just crazy. I mean, how do you, how do you deal with, with, uh, all that? Do we think that the infinite imagination of our God will not have. Vistas that we will enjoy for all eternity. We're not going to get bored in heaven. We're going to be sitting around plucking a heart floating on a cloud.
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wondering what's going to happen. We're going to be caught up in grandeur and glory. I mean, we look around and the world tells us there, there's so much to enjoy as though Jesus joy is a thimble compared to the ocean of the world. I mean, why did the biblical writers use some of the most imaginative language to describe that which is ahead? You think about Isaiah and Ezekiel and, and even what?
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John was doing and Paul at points and certainly our Lord when he's describing in Mark 13, Matthew 24, as he's pointing to eternal things. I mean, why did they talk about the otherworldly atmosphere of heaven with such imaginative language? Because we don't even have enough with our pea-brain understanding in the things we see now. We don't have enough to grasp it.
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And so they just give all these pictures. So remember your nationality. Second, engage in the battle. Uh, and so he says, I urge you as strangers and exiles, and here's the battle to abstain from sinful desires that wage war or literally campaigns against your soul. So there's this battle raging in the battlefield is your mind and your soul that the passions.
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Of the flesh, the sinful desires, the fleshly lust exists within us. And this is where our understanding of life in crisis. So critical while we have a new nature in Christ, you still live in the same body. And Paul makes his distinction in Romans six, uh, in, in verse six, he says, for we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin. Might be rendered.
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powerless so that we may no longer be enslaved to sin. So he's talking about crosswork taking place to render ineffective those patterns by which we've been living. And, and, and then Paul goes on in that same Romans 12 and then verses 12 and Roman six and verses 12 and 13 to tell us we're not to be passive. This is not something we sit back and say, okay, Lord, I'm waiting for you to do all this in my life.
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No, when we're abstaining from the sinful desires that await you in war against our soul, Paul writes in Romans six, therefore do not let sin rain in your mortal body that you should obey. Don't let sin rain.
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You can't be passive. That means every day you're engaging in the battle every day. There's a warfare going on. Do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its desires and do not offer any parts of it that is your body. Your members says the new American standard, uh, translates it. Do not offer any part of you to sin as weapons of unrighteousness, your eyes, your ears, your thinking.
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Your steps you're going, I mean, that's where we're learning to die. And to see him, we're learning to deal with those patterns of the flesh. So that because we live in a mortal body, we live in a body that is subject to death. And yet we're inhabited as a new person in Jesus Christ. We still have that same brain, but it is a brain that is being renewed.
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And that's why the apostle Paul in Ephesians four 23 says, be renewed in the spirit of your minds. This is something that's ongoing. Uh, and it's interesting. It's a passive verb here, which means the Lord is acting upon you in this renewal. So you're, it's not like you're coming up with, I got to come up with a plan. No, God's already given you a person. It's in Christ.
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The Holy spirit working for this renewal to take place. Uh, and so your, your definitive position of sanctification is that you are a new creature in Christ. You are a new person. Your ongoing progressive sanctification is you're making sure that you continue to grow because you are applying what Jesus did in the cross. So you're not passive about that.
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Uh, you're, you're battling clinging to those things that keep you from looking like Christ. And so Peter says, abstain, hold yourselves away from these desires. And that active abstaining from the passions of the flesh is at the heart of how we, uh, are, are to preserve and build and strengthen healthy marriages for your marriage.
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is not distinct from your heart condition before God. Don't compartmentalize. Oh, I've got a real good devotion life, got a good spiritual life, but my marriage is horrible. No, you're all that's going together. So how do you abstain from these passions? These desires that don't look like Christ. One, let me give you.
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All right, that one works. Gotta get it, all right. Okay, so one, you recognize sin for what it is. Sin is enmity against God that put Jesus on the cross and the manifestation of the spirit of the world is happening through transgressing God's law. So don't put a veneer on your sin. If you've got some.
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I'll just keep on talking. You all right? You don't mind? All right. Don't put a veneer on your sin. Be on guard against misusing Christian liberty. Reform Christians are big on we have liberty. Thank God we do. Don't misuse your liberty and get in bondage. Guard yourself at that point. And here's the simplest thing.
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If whatever you're doing, if it doesn't look like Jesus, it's sin. If it's not what Jesus would do, it's sin. If it's not had Jesus would think or act or speak, it's sin. Second, discipline yourself to die to sin. And this is where you're applying the cross. You're recognizing and confessing that Jesus did that work on the cross to set you free from everything that doesn't look like him. And you're applying that by faith.
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As you're praying, Lord, enable me, put to death this attitude that is just fouling me up. Please, deal with this. I died of this. And then third, where that attitude was fouling your thinking, or where that sharp tongue was wounding your spouse, you put in it just the opposite.
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You, instead of that foul attitude, you begin to think about and vocalize and visualize praising the Lord, giving thanks to the Lord, living and doing those things that are the opposite of it. Instead of those things coming out of our mouth that are wounding, you start thinking, how can I build up, how can I speak encouragement, how can I be
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honoring to the Lord. And so you're looking at the positive. If you wanna see more on that, just read Ephesians four and see the pattern. You know, you were using corrupt communication on one point, now you're speaking in a way that builds up. You once had bad attitudes, now you're forgiving and you're expressing.
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kindness and graciousness. So the third part of this, verses 11 and 12, this laying the foundation for the Christ life is live in the mission. And I'm gonna kinda slide over this for time's sake, but he says conduct yourselves honorably among the Gentiles so that when they slander you as evildoers, they will observe your good works and will glorify God in the day he visits. So in other words,
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We're abstaining on one hand from sinful patterns, but on the positive side, what are we doing that is displaying that we belong to Christ? How are we loving our spouse? How are we teaching and modeling the gospel to our children? How are we loving those who are unlovable? How are we serving those who are in need? How are we giving of our resources for kingdom work? How are we praying for those that need?
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our prayers, how are we speaking into other people's lives? All those things are helpful to us in understanding what it is to be on mission. And so what Peter's doing, he's showing us that this mission spreads into different areas. It spreads into the way we live our lives in the public sphere. That's what he starts talking about in verse 13. It shows up even with household slaves
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He talks about in verse 18 and following. And so in every area, we want to exemplify what it is that we're on mission living in Christ. Now, this will be the second part of this text. And that is an example of wives and husbands shaped by Christ. He talks about being shaped by Christ in the public sphere and even in slavery, and then
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In chapter three, he says, in the same way, so in other words, in the same way that you're applying the cross in the public sphere, in the same way you're applying the cross in this matter of being a slave and living under a master, sometimes a cruel master, in the same way you're applying the cross, you do that in marriage. In the same way, wives submit to your own husbands,
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Uh, uh, and then, uh, in verse seven, husbands in the same way, living your wives in an understanding way. And so what, what he's describing here is what does sanctification look like in the home? Well, it looks like what's happening in the other areas of your life. I I've been around some people that at church, they're wonderful. They're so gracious in the workplace.
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They're wonderful, they're so gracious, but not in the home. That's hypocrisy. The gospel is to penetrate every area of our lives. So let's consider first the wise attitude shaped by Christ. And so he says in verse one, chapter three, in the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that even if some disobey the word,
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They may be won over without a word by the way their wives live when they observe your pure reverent lives. Do not let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry or fine clothes. These were the bouffants that they would have, you know, big old things that had pearls in it and gold and all kinds of crazy things. Sort of like some of the health and wealth folks that we see.
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I'm just saying that's what it says. Um, but rather what is your beauty rather? What is inside the heart, the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also adorn themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, you have become her children when you do what is
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good and do not fear any intimidation. All right. The wife's attitude is shaped by Christ. So submission is to your own husband, not to men in general. There's no inferiority here and this submission is in this case, Peter's talking about some women that have or married to men that are unbelievers. And so her godly life becomes an evangelistic tool. Is that the ideal situation? No, it's not.
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But sometimes in the mercy of God, he graciously works in those husbands' repentance. So this submission is not an ugly word, it's an orderly word, it's giving way to the husband's leadership, it is putting trust in his wisdom and love to lead the family. And the wife is spurring him to be the leader as his helper. So she's spurring him by affirming him
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and encouraging him, asking his counsel, deferring to his leadership, avoiding making fun of him or haranguing him if he's not doing it the right way, praying for him, speaking gospel truth into his life. This is not a mousy, timid kind of relationship. This is very active. Christopher Ashe writes, instead, she ought to be using her wisdom
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to be his fellow worker in the garden, even as Eve was to do with Adam. And so submission is not reluctance, but it is a desire to help your husband with his blind spots, to encourage him in wise decisions. It's an attitude of the heart. Here's Richard Baxter, the Puritan pastor, he wrote a book called The Reform Pastor that
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Every pastor and their brother has read. Uh, but he wrote a lot of other stuff and this is what Baxter said about. A faithful submissive wife and what she looks like. It is a mercy to have a faithful friend that you love entirely. And is this true to you as yourself to whom you may open your mind and communicate your affairs and who would be ready to strengthen you and divine the cares of your.
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Affairs and family with you and help you to bear your burdens and comfort you in your sorrows and be the daily Companion of your lives and partaker of your joys and sorrows It is a mercy to have so near a friend to be a helper to your soul To join with you in prayer and other holy exercises to watch over you and tell you of your sins and dangers to stir up In you the grace of God
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and remember to you of the life to come and cheerfully accompany you in the ways of holiness. That's a Puritans description. Doesn't sound too harsh, does it? It sounds absolutely beautiful. I'm going just a little bit longer. Joshua and I put our heads together on this, but then we're gonna stop, take a good break. The wife's appearance is to bear evidence of Christ.
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Her devotedness in this, I'm just gonna simplify this and press on because I wanna get to the end of chapter two. The wife's devotedness to Jesus is gonna be evident above all things with her pure and reverent life. Her hope is in Christ, meaning that she has this intense joy in the Lord.
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her focus, her hope is in Christ, not in her husband, but in Christ. Submission doesn't mean your hope is in your husband. Submission to your husband means my hope is in Christ and because of that I can therefore submit to my husband. There was a lady in one church, I served in Alabama, who was a wonderful Christian, and she was probably in her 50s when we were there. We were in our
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late 20s, early 30s, and every Wednesday night, we got together and had prayer, and she would say, pray for Vernon. We prayed for Vernon, week after week after week. We moved on, I got to know Vernon a little bit. I think he came to church twice while I was there, and then I get a call from Gladys. Vernon got saved. She'd been living the Christ life in front of Vernon.
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for years and years and years. And the Lord graciously saved him after all that. Well, the Lord sometimes does that. This isn't a guarantee, it's gonna happen every time, but this is the pattern that God calls for. All right, husbands, I'm getting third, husbands focus on, or to focus on their wives in the same way he says husbands live with your wives in the same way, in an understanding way as with a weaker partner.
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showing them on earth as co-heirs of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered. So what does this convey? It conveys living with your wife in an understanding way, it's personal knowledge, experiential knowledge, attentiveness to the wife. Christopher Ash said, we who are husbands need to learn to understand our wives, the physical and psychological rhythm of their bodies, what they go through in childbirth, in breastfeeding.
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In all stages of motherhood, when the children fly the nest through menopause and an old age, we are to live with them according to understanding, recognizing that in some respects and only some, they are weaker than us. They are not weaker in intellect far from it, nor in wisdom. After all the woman in verses one to six is a believer married to an unbeliever. So Peter would clearly regard her as wiser than her husband.
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knowing bravery in the, in the face of pain, particularly in childbirth. Therefore, in this respect, we who are husbands are to care for them and not expect them simply to be rec replicates of ourselves. Thank God. We learn how to live with our wives in an understanding way by spending time with them, observing them, uh, interacting, listening.
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knowing their feelings and their thoughts while enjoying your wife. And the reason Peter calls attention to this is because that is not normal to the male psyche. We, and I, I remember that I had one brother, so I didn't have any sisters around when Kier and I got married. I was learning and I've been around girls all my life, but I was learning really about living.
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with her in an understanding way, which meant she is not a guy. And I can't treat her like one of the guys. And I have to treat her as, uh, as something more delicate, a weaker partner here doesn't mean faulty, but it means valuable and precious. Uh, there's a difference between the old coffee can that I throw nuts and bolts in, in my shop and a vase.
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that we put cut flowers in. That's what he's talking about. She's like that vase. Uh, the wife is the husband's equal, a co-heir of the grace of life, a fellow heir, the grace of life. So the husband has no spiritual advantage over his wife. As a matter of fact, he has a disadvantage if he's not in fellowship with her. Because Peter warned your prayers will be hindered. If you're not living with your wife in an understanding way.
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and treat her with preciousness because that is valuable to God. That is what God himself treasures in the marriage relationship. And so to mishandle the wife is to affect your spiritual life. Now, that was too quick. Third thing, do I have time Joshua? Okay, y'all hanging in there? All right, the provision of Jesus to live the Christ life.
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Hey, can you give me a little bit more sin? I feel like I'm straining. Am I straining or y'all hear me okay? If y'all hear me okay, all right, that's fine. That's fine. It would be heartless to tell us to live in this way without provision from Christ. That's the point that we need to see. So unless Jesus provides what we need to mirror his life, then we face an impossibility.
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that Jesus has provided. That's what Peter is helping us to see in this beautiful picture of sanctification. And so the first thing, the first provision is Christ's call on us. We see this in verse 21. For you were called to this, that is this kind of life, this Christ's life, this kind of life that mirrors Jesus. For you were called to this because Christ also suffered for you
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leaving you an example so that you should follow in his steps. And so you have this internal call of Christ by the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit, and you've got this external call through the proclamation of the gospel so that you, by the provision of Christ in the call of the gospel, are learning how to live life facing opposition and hardship and sorrows and persecution.
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and everything that would get in the way. And this is where you are beginning to see the faithfulness of Christ at work in the gospel. Peter says that Jesus himself, in verse 22, did not commit sin and no deceit was found in his mouth. And now he's calling us to be shaped by his life, to
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Uh, not that we're reaching perfection and not that we're going to be sinless, but rather he's, it is so working in us so that we will learn to have his life traced into our lives. That's what he means by this word example. So when, when I was, uh, in the earliest, I'm barely remember anything from first grade, first and second grade, but I remember we had these green cards above.
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the chalkboard, we actually had chalk in those days, on the black boards. And we had these green cards, it had beautiful lettering in script, and we were to learn how to write by copying those. And now we have notebooks and our kids copy the letters and all that, and they're learning how to write. Well, he uses this kind of language to say that we are...
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By Christ being an example for us means that he is tracing his life into our lives. That we are learning from him what it is to live the Christ life. This is that ongoing practice of following the Lord so that he is training our minds to act and obey and speak in the same way as he would. To trace our lives.
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in Jesus' holy and good life means that we're paying attention to what the Scripture teaches us about Christ and by that we're starting to let those areas work in their lives. So, as we read the word and as we pray, we're praying, Lord, I want to be like you. So what is that like? Verse 23, when he was insulted, he did not insult in return. When he suffered, he did not threaten.
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but entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. Jesus was so conscious of the Father's faithfulness that when there were injustices against him, he just kept entrusting himself to the Father. In every area of his life, he gave himself over to the Father. We would find him withdrawing in prayer. We would find him being diligent in trusting the Father, even
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when he was challenged, even when he was hurt, even when he was wounded, even when there was injustice. And now he is writing that into our lives. That's what's happening in sanctification. Second thing is Christ worked for us. So how does his work into our lives? It's by the cross work. Verse 24, he himself bore our sins in his body on the tree.
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so that having died to sins, we might live for righteousness, for by his wounds we have been healed. Notice the description, that whole purpose clause here. He bore our sins, and consequently, he affected the sin factory in our life, so that...
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we might live for righteousness. So he took away the judgment, he satisfied eternal justice, he removed the enmity between us and God so that we are reconciled to God and now we are friends of Christ. We belong to him and our friend never leaves us. He is always present. He is the one.
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who created us according to God's likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth, as Paul says in Ephesians four. That's why we can put away anger and not sin and not give the devil room. That's why we can put aside lying and speak truth. That's why we can put aside stealing and learn how to work hard and be generous.
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That's why we can let all bitterness and anger and wrath and shouting and slander be removed from us along with all malice and be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven us. Jesus' death leads us to die to sin. That's the implication in chapter two, verse 11. That's why we're remembering our homeland, we're remembering our nationality, we're remembering what
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what it is to belong to Christ and to address our sinful desires. And Jesus enables us to live to righteousness. That's the power that we have through the cross. We sing about the power of the cross. That power is not just to forgive us and deal with our guilt. That power is to enable us to live in holiness, including our marriage. And so.
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This application of Christ's work kills sinful patterns that would wreck our homes so that we need the power of the cross every day. We need resurrection power every day so that we live selflessly. And then to close this passage out, we have Christ shepherding over us. Notice he says, for you were like sheep going astray, but you have now returned to the shepherd and overseer of your soul.
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Jesus took the sin burden of straying sheep. He brought us in glad repentance to live under his faithful shepherding and oversight, and that includes his shepherding us in marriage, because he is the faithful husband. He is the one who knows how to treat his wife. And so he is the one who knows how to submit. And so he is
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working in us, saving us from sin's penalty, and bringing under his Lordship, and now shepherding us so that we no longer live for ourselves or love for ourselves, but we live in love for him. So if we live, we live for the Lord. If we die, we die for the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord's. That's the cross-evidence life. So brothers and sisters, drink deeply.
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every day for what Christ has done. And let that cross work affect every detail in marriage. Amen. Let's pray. Lord, will you please help us to apply these things in our marriages for your glory. In Jesus' name, amen.
